A Girl Walks Into A Bar (-like Classroom)

So, the joke goes like this :

A girl walks into a bar. It’s 23hoo and the place is rockin’. This vibe is good man! The noise is deafening. People are talking, jumping, dancing. The girl tries to get everyone’s attention because she has something important to share with the crowd. There’s a bomb in the room and they need to listen !  She’s up on the bar counter now, waving her arms. People think she’s inspired by the music and they start cheering her on…

No, sorry, it’s me. I walk into a bar. Wait, no. This is not a bar, is it?

Nope.

This is my classroom. These are my monkeys. 40 Gr 9’s have been left alone for 5 minutes because I needed to make extra photocopies of their worksheet. I had enough copies yesterday. But, as always, we have new additions to our ever-filling classes. They come from other schools who no longer want them due to behaviour problems. Their parents have been searching desperately for a school that will take the problem off their hands. So, tag, we’re it. We give them a second chance. Or a sixth chance. Most of the time those admitted in Week 3, 4 or 5 of the term turn out to be nightmares in the classroom. But we have them now, so deal we must.

Which now brings me back to RULE 1 . NOBODY TALKS WHILE I’M TALKING.

RULE 1 is the most difficult rule of all to enforce. Because humans want to talk. All the time. Teenage humans want to talk to each other. They have a lot to talk about. Love, rejected love, how-far-to-go-love. Justin Bieber. DJ Coffee. Soccer, rugby and where to buy cheap beer. Matric dance outfits.

Teenage humans DO NOT want to stop talking. Most teacher’s voices can not shout over 40 teenage voices so that they can hear any instruction.

What do you do?

This is what works for me :

1. Plant your feet firmly and stare them down. This will not get them quiet but somewhere in their subconscious minds they will sense that there is someone at the front of the room, looking stern.
2. Now use your “call and response” technique. There are plenty of these to choose from, depending on the age of your learners. “One, Two, Eyes on Me!” and they have to respond with “Three,Four, Eyes on You!’.  I use “FIVE!” .They respond with : “Eyes Open!”. “FOUR!” . “Ears Open!”. “THREE! “Mouth Closed!”. “TWO!” “Hands still!” “ONE!” “Feet Still!”
3. Once you have their attention , speak firmly and choose a few simple words to tell them what you want them to do next. “I want you to sit down, take out your book and your pen and then look at the board.”
4. Once they are ( hopefully ) settled,  explain the lesson plan of the day. This gives them a time frame and an outline as to what will be covered in the lesson. If you don’t give this time frame, the effect will be the same as when you’re driving somewhere you’ve never been before while following directions. The way there feels much longer than the way back, because on the way back you know more or less what to expect. If your class sees that you will be doing 3 activities in the next 30 min they will be less bored/ frustrated/inclined to yawn, knowing that the scenery will change within 10 minutes.
5. If they become restless at any time during your lesson, repeat your “call and response” technique.

It is extremely important to get Rule 1 right.

If even just one child is talking while you are explaining something, that child will not “get” the concept you are explaining. He or she will have a gap in their knowledge, almost like a missing brick in the bottom layer of a wall.

Address individuals lacking focus as the lesson goes on. And you can only do this if you know their names. I take a photo of each child at the start of the year and add their names to it. Xhosa names are difficult to learn , so I scroll through these photos often, picking a feature to help me remember the name. “Asavela” … wears glasses and is a high achiever. The double “A” in her name is fitting her academic success. “Sinokuhle” is always smiling. “S” for smiling. “Tawanda” has wide cheekbones and huge, “wandering” eyes. And so on.

It is extremely effective if you can say : ” Nolubabalo, stop talking!“. Much better than “You there, yes, you, no, not YOU, Stop talking!” ( which is a prompt for giggling).

Cheers to your quiet class, beautifully focused on their brilliant teacher!

And you are, you know.

Personally, today being Thursday, I can not wait for Friday to come.

Glass of icy cold Chardonnay, feet up, quiet, quiet farm…